just keep swimming….

"KATIE-LALA OVER COMES HER NERVOUS BREAKDOWN ONE DIY PROJECT AT A TIME." Said with such conviction and optimism, that I don't feel today. Let's face it Depression and Anxiety really suck, and everyday is going to be different. No matter how much you want it to be wonderful, sometimes it just isn't . Today has been a really hard day for me. I've been day dreaming about running to my closet and crying all day, but I didn't so I suppose that's the important part. I'm not exactly sure why I've Always loved to hide in closets when I am upset. I have ever since I could remember. Today went by so painstakingly slow. You know how if you were to go into a black hole in space it would seem as if only moments passed, but in reality if you were to come back, thousands of years would have passed, that's how I felt today. But as they also say "THIS TO SHALL PASS". So maybe tomorrow will be different. Today I tried my hardest not to fall apart, and didn't. Believe me it wasn't easy. I tried incredibly hard and made an amazing dinner, and Flour-less Peanut Butter cookies. Only 36 calories and super yummy. In my book, and circumstances, I would say I did okay for myself. Just take it one step at a time. Try and take it moment by moment. Consciously make a decision to try and not worry about what might, or could happen, most often in my mind what has happened. I'm trying not to. Do I feel great right now? No. I might tomorrow, I might not. All I can do is my best. All day in my head I've been repeating a line Dory says in the animated movie Finding Nemo. "Just keep swimming,  just keep swimming." I didn't sink so suck on that depression!!!

Any way here is the recipe for those delicious guilt free Peanut Butter Cookies. You can eat one for only 36 calories, or eat 3, for the calorie price of one normal peanut butter cookie, which is what I did.

• 1 Cup Peanut Butter
• 1 Cup Sugar 
• 1Egg
• 1 tsp. baking soda

Mix the Peanut Butter and Sugar first. Mix in the Egg and Baking Soda. Bake in a Pre-Heated over for 10 minutes. VIOLA!  GUILT FREE PEANUT BUTTER COOKIES!

This would be my favorite Music video right now. How ironic. 

A GIRL LIKE ME HAS BRUISES YOU CAN'T SEE.

MIXED MEDIUM ART. PASTEL, OIL PAINT, AND METAL.  

"BIRTHDAY BUST "

 Coming to terms with what happened. Now hopefully I can put the pieces back together again. Therapy comes at a pretty hefty price these days, and well I'm broke. 

Oh, and one more thing! Today I totally got attacked by a flock of wild Seagulls. It was amazing, it felt so good to run with my family and laugh.  I was completely terrified. I would highly recommend bringing tortillas to a flock of hungry Seagulls when you are having a rough day. 

IT WILL CHANGE EVERYTHING! 

I even saw a cute little squirrel, I'm pretty sure he had rabies. 

PHIL SPECTOR KINDA DAY.

WOKE UP TODAY AND REALIZED I HAVE A STUNNING RESEMBLANCE TO PHIL SPECTOR… ON A BAD DAY. 

First Step

Project Number : 1

So Technically the plate was pre-breakdown. Like the day before, but today was the first day I ventured out into the world to pick it up from a local pottery shop. The jewelry box, I made for my mom. I used flowers, I Found today in a book. Apparently I dried them like a year ago. I'm not exactly organized.  

Birthday Breakdown

It was February 16. I felt sick to my stomach knowing the next day I would be turning 26. Yep I hit that mark, I'm no spring chicken.  For the first time in my life I really began to question if I was doing everything in my life to the fullest. I felt uneasy and bizarre, in a fog of questions, and no answers. I had such an uneasy, lost feeling, I couldn't rid. So what did I do? POPPED THE CHAMPAGNE!!!! Like any responsible 26 year old "woman" would do right?  Celebrate? That's When I had one of the most dramatic, hysterical nervous breakdowns of all time. Crying, Screaming, Flailing MY SELF ON THE FLOOR MELT DOWN!! I've always been a dramatic person, I'm sure if my life went as planned I would be having melt downs on the Silver Screen, instead of my living room. In a Ball gown, not a night gown. But that's not the case and there was definitely nothing glamorous about that night. In fact I ended my birthday night sleeping on a piss stained floor of the local county jail. No streamers here, my birthday suite was a blue jumpsuit and hand cuffs. HANDCUFFS!! At the time I thought I don't deserve this it's my birthday, I'm a house wife. Aren't there Serious criminals to catch? Other than a hysterical house wife gone KOO-KOO? Now that I am Home, and 26. I realize that I did Deserve to be there. I let My feelings and anxiety take over my actions, I was Hysterical,  I was like a wild buck in a cage. Am I a bad person? No. I just had a reaaaaalllllllly reaaallllly bad night. I really do feel like crawling into my closet and never coming out. I want to give up and just hide, but I'm not.  I have made up my mind today. I will get over this. I will be healthy, and happy. So everyday from now until,  I can honestly say "YES I Feel Good".  I will do at least one DIY project, art project, poetry, painting, sculpture, or weird exercise routine to get my endorphins flowin. Who knows, the possibilities are endless, hell I might build a house…well probably not. But I might try. All My projects won't succeed but I will. I'm gonna keep going until I don't need anyone to tell me they are proud, because I will be  proud of myself. I will Over come my depression and anxiety one day at a time.